I have had several reasons to post this recently but never actually did it, I think I was scared that people might think it's about them. However honestly anyone who has made me feel like this is unlikely to read it because, well, they don't care and if they do then maybe they'll think about how they treat people, either way..... PROFIT.
We like all animals are predisposed to addiction.
We like things that make us feel good, that give us a rush.
We like food and alcohol and chocolate and cocaine and nicotine and caffeine and people etc..
When any of these things gives us internal validation (generally through stuff like dopamine production) we crave more of it though, we need more and more of what we think we need in order to feel good, about life, about ourselves, all sorts.
I don't pretend to know exactly the myriad of reasons behind this, I do know that receptor cells when flooded with their matching chemical do eventually require more and more of said chemical to get the same reaction. Also, why would you stop doing something that feels good?
Therefore we partake in behaviours that, while we know are counterproductive and bad for us, feel good at the time. Regardless of long term consequences we drink to excess or chase the dragon, or have sex or hang out with people that flatter us.
Yeah, we don't always think about that one do we? The people who tell us we are good at stuff and brilliant and fabulous, and still are worth the world even when we know we're far from perfect. We crave someone who will think we're amazing, and while that's lovely it gets us to lower our defences, some people thrive on this, some people prey on the vulnerable.
Once they have found someone who is sufficiently laid bare, damaged and scared the abuse can begin, they will build us up only to tear us down. We will actually hang on to these people like nothing else, hoping to please them more while they treat us like dirt, it only makes the high greater when it does hit, when they do throw a stray nice word or compliment our way.
Some people are drawn to drama, I am not actually one of these people, though the catalogue of my life so far would seem to indicate otherwise. However, I'm learning, as we all are.
We eventually will spot the bellends before they get under our skin... before they tramp mud in the metaphorical house that is us.
But it'll take a massive amount of time.
Do not forget that you are not alone in having fallen victim to a bellend, however do not become a "victim" for it is then that they win.
Also, it's worth bearing in mind that though I'm not trying to excuse bellends I'm also not trying to entirely vilify them, they have just gotten into a pattern that feels good and are having to feed it with people.
People are just people, however, at some stage someone needs to realise that the relationship, just like a drug, is toxic, and that the best way forward is to remove the toxic substance from our lives.